Thoughts & Beyond

Well I just have to write it out! I wish our eldest sister would grow up and be responsible enough to take care of her five (5) children by herself. She relies so much on her thirteen year old son and her twelve year old daughter to take care of her three other sons – five, four and two years old. She works and comes home late more often than we could understand. We are not sure if it’s really still work or something else already. Many weekends she would go out early and come home so late at night. We would try to understand but last week I heard from her that they are no longer allowed to go to the office on weekends when they do not have office. I thought she would be home on weekends but sad to say today after she had her daughter enrolled in HS, my niece came back in the morning with her mother nowhere to be found. I would not mind her as long as her kids would behave. But these kids need her attention and care. She is the mother! I know I am not a perfect mother and sometimes I would rely on my sister and mom to relieve me from taking care of my baby. But she has 5 kids and the 2nd and third sometimes cannot be easily disciplined and sometimes become so out of control. What I don’t like is that the youngest and my baby are imitating their bad actions too. If these kids would only listen and behave all the time, we would not care if she abandons them too to us. But she is the only parent left and I wish she would realize that more than ever, she must be here for her children after office and on weekends. I don’t wanna talk to her because she would obviously just get mad and reason out that they are just kids. I know they are kids but they are her children and they need her to be there for them because their father is not here anymore. Be a mother please not a dictator nor like a supervisor. She does not realize how stressed we are already in the house especially my mom having to fill up for her. I hope that if ever she reads this she would no longer hurt nor attack me as she did twice already before but realize that she must reform and do her part as a mother. For the two times she hurt me, I did not want to fight back, I just defend myself because I keep trying to tell myself that she really does not mean to hurt me. But every time I would look at the only scar left in my hand, I would ask myself why? Probably I see differently and she has another way of coping up which we cannot fully understand. We could only continue to pray and hope!

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